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 Dragons' Den ; I be having loads of cash

Post #1 - 14 May 2020, 07:45

Since I can't spend money on holibobs or anything else for that matter, I've decided to become one of those entrepreneurs. Put your crackpot ideas up here and tell me how much money you need to make them come to fruition and I'll think about it.

Away you go Happy Jack.
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Slushy
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Post #2 - 14 May 2020, 08:01

I have an idea that will solve everyone's picture hanging problems instantly.

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I want £50,000 for 5% of the business. :)
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Post #3 - 14 May 2020, 15:25

Chavahoy » Thu May 14, 2020 8:01 am wrote:I have an idea that will solve everyone's picture hanging problems instantly.

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I want £50,000 for 5% of the business. :)

So you value your business at £1 million? Also your invention is basically a nail which can be bought at any DIY store. At that money I'm out.
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Post #4 - 14 May 2020, 16:46

It works for anything you have to affix to a wall. You can take the piss all you want but you will thank me one day every time you have to put up a shelf (and which man hasn't)? When you fuck that task up you have been asked to do it is very emasculating in a relationship. :(

Anyway, fuck Dragons Den, I am going it alone with the help of the wonderful people at the hardware store in Wigton. i might try to get Melvyn Bragg involved somehow. My Missus went to school with his daughter.

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it is on the narrow High Street but as you can see has it's own parking bay right outside. :clap:
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Post #5 - 14 May 2020, 19:53

Here's my business venture. During these difficult times, much has been said of the bus drivers and how they need protection from the virus infected public that breathe on them daily. Yet nothing is said for the poor taxi drivers, alone in their cabs just inches away from their putrid phlegm ridden passengers. And so my idea - a simple polythene sheet with a few press studs should do the trick. And note the cash collection point, hands free. :)

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This plight of the taxi drivers has affected me a lot since the crisis began. I can't sleep, my wife won't speak to me and my children are dead. I cry every day, I'm welling up now in fact, please inject £500,000 into my bank business account and I will give you 2.5% of my company. :duh:
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Post #6 - 14 May 2020, 20:11

I have invented something for putting up shelves. I call it a bracket.

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£500,000 and you can have the fucking company.
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Post #7 - 14 May 2020, 20:28

RedDocDan » 7 minutes ago wrote:I have invented something for putting up shelves. I call it a bracket.

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£500,000 and you can have the fucking company.


That is like saying 'I am going to run the London Marathon! Look i have bought a pair of running shoes from Sports Direct!'

You have no idea what is required to get to the satisfactory end result and the pitfalls that you may encounter along the way.

I am saying no more about it to you DIY amateurs. Pearls before swine. As the Good Lord said 'A prophet is never accepted in his home town. Now fuck off and get on with your inadequate home improvements you ungrateful cunts' (That last bit is not in the Bible but I bet Jesus was thinking the similar thoughts as me.) And he was a fucking carpenter who knew about DIY. Mel Gibson even said he made his own cross.
:grrr:
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Post #8 - 14 May 2020, 20:30

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Post #9 - 15 May 2020, 07:47

I have invented this stuff for sticking things to walls.

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It's blue and tacky but I can't think of a name for it. I need your guidance for marketing and 'ting slushy. I've no idea about cash so make me an offer.
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Post #10 - 15 May 2020, 10:03

righthard » Thu May 14, 2020 7:53 pm wrote:Here's my business venture. During these difficult times, much has been said of the bus drivers and how they need protection from the virus infected public that breathe on them daily. Yet nothing is said for the poor taxi drivers, alone in their cabs just inches away from their putrid phlegm ridden passengers. And so my idea - a simple polythene sheet with a few press studs should do the trick. And note the cash collection point, hands free. :)

Image

This plight of the taxi drivers has affected me a lot since the crisis began. I can't sleep, my wife won't speak to me and my children are dead. I cry every day, I'm welling up now in fact, please inject £500,000 into my bank business account and I will give you 2.5% of my company. :duh:

Apologies for the delay, my private members club has been secretly open during the crisis and I've been imbibing on fine Chiantis and Laphroaig. Having now driven myself home quite easily, I cannot put my money into a project designed to assist the proletariat in their transportation, and so I'm out. :heart:
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Post #11 - 15 May 2020, 22:02

uhu » Fri May 15, 2020 7:47 am wrote:I have invented this stuff for sticking things to walls.

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It's blue and tacky but I can't think of a name for it. I need your guidance for marketing and 'ting slushy. I've no idea about cash so make me an offer.

Well there's already Blu-Tack, and I've no idea about marketing as I leave that sort of thing to my middle management team. I'm afraid I'm out. :heart:
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Post #12 - 16 May 2020, 07:43

Are there any Germans or German-speaking people out there?

I want to speak this language. I got an 'A' at 'O' level. It's about 33 years ago.

This language is definitely for me. We've got a German called Bond on the Coronavirus ward and I'm wanting to tell him, "We expect you to die Mr Bond." in German.

Would someone please point me to an accredited website for learning German.
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Post #13 - 16 May 2020, 11:50

FriedBurger » Sat May 16, 2020 7:43 am wrote:Are there any Germans or German-speaking people out there?

I want to speak this language. I got an 'A' at 'O' level. It's about 33 years ago.

This language is definitely for me. We've got a German called Bond on the Coronavirus ward and I'm wanting to tell him, "We expect you to die Mr Bond." in German.

Would someone please point me to an accredited website for learning German.

I speak reasonably fluent German, I needed to learn it when I re-edited Mein Kampf.

You have posted this request in the wrong thread Friedburger, you should have started a new one. Something like 'Can Anybody Teach Me German?' would have been an idea. Or the Questions & Answers thread would have been suitable.

Friedburger warned for posting in an inappropriate thread.

Dan
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Post #14 - 16 May 2020, 12:05

It's starting to come back to me.

Dannynomates ist eine fotze. I vill square up und haf mein say.
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