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 Tell us a joke ; A man walks into a bar.....

Post #61 - 19 Aug 2019, 23:08

I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets.
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StuckupPercy
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Post #62 - 30 Aug 2019, 02:36

A farmer drives to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocks on the door...

A boy, about 9, opens the door.

"Is your Dad or Mom home?" asks the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stands there for a few minutes, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself.

The young boy finally says, "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. If that’s not why you’re here, I can give Mom or Dad a message."

"Well." The farmer looks extremely uncomfortable. "I need to talk to your Dad about your brother, Howard, getting my daughter, Suzy, pregnant.".

The boy tilts his head to the side and thinks about that for a moment. "You WILL have to talk to my Dad about that.” He decides. “I know he charges $250 for our bulls to service other folks' cows and he charges $150 for our boars to service other folks' sows. I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”

The boy smiles and goes on...

"But I'd be willing to give it a shot for $10..."
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Mushshrooms
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Post #63 - 30 Aug 2019, 10:39

:clap:
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Father Hasil Cocteau, SJ;
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Location: Way back in the hills
...before you the wimpled past, behind you the hallooing future...

...Zoom! There goes the gay fuckerteer chasing the tail of light.....

...The habitual myth has an eagerness to quit...

Post #64 - 02 Sep 2019, 10:53

Recreate the thrill of winning an argument with your wife by sitting in a library for three days.
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StuckupPercy
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Post #65 - 02 Sep 2019, 22:25

Man goes into a saloon and orders a scotch on the rocks and sits there sipping it. Two other men walk in and sit nearby and start talking about how prices are going up in saloons and the free lunch is a thing of the past. This prompts the original patron to offer this:

- I know of a place where drafts are only a quarter, the beer nuts and Slim Jims are free, and you can go into a back room and have all the sex you want for free!

- That must be a load of malarkey, I've never heard of anything like that.

- It's true and the saloon is right here in the city on the other side of town.

- Bar tender, I think it's cutoff time for our scotch drinking friend here.

- Disbelieve if you wish but it's true. Quarter drafts; free snacks; and all the free sex you want.

- Answer me this one question: Have you ever been there?!?

- No I haven't personally... but my sister has!
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Father Hasil Cocteau, SJ;
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Posts: 1689
Joined: 28th Jul 2019
Location: Way back in the hills
...before you the wimpled past, behind you the hallooing future...

...Zoom! There goes the gay fuckerteer chasing the tail of light.....

...The habitual myth has an eagerness to quit...

Post #66 - 03 Sep 2019, 06:10

:clap:
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Circus Monkey
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Post #67 - 08 Sep 2019, 06:08

Image
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Country Bloke
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Post #68 - 26 Sep 2019, 19:39

A young butcher enters a barber shop, and sits next to a nun.
The nun is currently getting her hair done.. meanwhile the butcher is talking dirty shit about how he would like to have sex with the nun

The nun tries to ignore those words, when her hair is finished, she says she cant do such unspeakable things as a nun, an leaves

The barber then tells the butcher: every evening the nun is at the cemetery, praying to God. Just cover yourself with some old bed sheet, tell her you are God and then she will do anything for you

The butcher prepares himself a sheet, cuts in holes for the eyes like those ghost costumes, and hides in the bushes at the cemetery

The nun shows up and is starts with her prayers
The butcher jumps out of the bushes and says: my daughter, I will answer all you prayers, but first, you need to have sex with me

The nun agrees under one condition: it has to be from behind, because she wants to keep her virginity

After they have finished.. the butcher throws off his white sheets.. screaming "haha.. I'm the butcher!!"

The nun throws off her habit triumphantly screaming, "haha.. and I'm the barber!"
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Country Bloke
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Post #69 - 26 Sep 2019, 21:30

:clap:

Jeez - good one


Regarding nuns: It's OK to kiss them as long as you don't get in the habit.
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Father Hasil Cocteau, SJ;
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Posts: 1689
Joined: 28th Jul 2019
Location: Way back in the hills
...before you the wimpled past, behind you the hallooing future...

...Zoom! There goes the gay fuckerteer chasing the tail of light.....

...The habitual myth has an eagerness to quit...

Post #70 - 27 Sep 2019, 21:09

Two nuns are asked to help decorate the nunnery by doing some painting.

"We'd love to" says one nun, "but our habits will be ruined if we get paint on them - can we undress?"

"Of course" says Mother Superior, "but lock the door and do not answer it to anyone."

The nuns strip off and get to work. After an hour, there's a loud knock on the door. "Who is it?" asks a nun. "Blind man" comes the reply.

The nuns decide being as the chap won't be able to see them, it'll be ok to let him in. They open the door.

"Thanks ladies," says the man, "Nice tits, where do you want these blinds?"
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Circus Monkey
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Post #71 - 27 Sep 2019, 22:01

:lol: I can even here the drum roll at the end.
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Father Hasil Cocteau, SJ;
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Posts: 1689
Joined: 28th Jul 2019
Location: Way back in the hills
...before you the wimpled past, behind you the hallooing future...

...Zoom! There goes the gay fuckerteer chasing the tail of light.....

...The habitual myth has an eagerness to quit...

Post #72 - 01 Oct 2019, 09:25

Murphy goes to see his mate Paddy, who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezin' mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," says Murphy, and he runs upstairs. Upstairs are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off ya liar!"

"I'll prove it," Murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of 'em, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
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Mushshrooms
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Post #73 - 06 Oct 2019, 08:25

A drunk walks out of a bar after closing time and invites two friends up to see
his new apartment. The friends see there is a gong with a rubber mallet against
the bedroom wall and ask why it's there. The drunk replies, "It's not a gong
it's a talking clock, watch." He picks up the mallet and smashes the gong.
From the other side of the wall a voice yells "It's 4AM you idiot!"
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Mushshrooms
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