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 Tell us a joke ; A man walks into a bar.....

Post #41 - 21 Jan 2019, 21:47

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and
lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. He crawled down the
stairs.

With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed
paper on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his
mind, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula held by his wife.

“Stay out of those,” she said, “they’re for the funeral.”
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Mushshrooms
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Post #42 - 21 Jan 2019, 22:00

You cunt, mushshrooms. :laugh:
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routemaster
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Post #43 - 04 Feb 2019, 08:05

Q. What did the pirate say on becoming an octagenarian?

A. Aye, matey
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Country Bloke
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Post #44 - 11 Mar 2019, 18:56

I went to get a Cinese takeaway last night.
I put the bag in the footwell
On the way homeI heard a rustling come from it.
I looked inside and saw a pair of eyes looking out at me.

It was the Peeking duck.
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Post #45 - 11 Mar 2019, 23:09

A home invader breaks into a house and finds a couple in the bedroom and holds them at gunpoint.
The owner points to the woman and says, "You have to let her go right now.
You can have all the money and jewelry in the house, you can have my credit card and car keys.
You can even shoot me but you have to let her go right now." The gunman says,
"You must really love your wife."

"Yes and she will be home in 20 minutes."
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Mushshrooms
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